Lyle T Lachmuth

Teaser Excerpt From My Novel

Ok boys and girls just rememer: My Writing might be shit but it's MY SHIT!

If I catch anyone scarfing my writing you will PAY!

= = Here it is R Rated!! = =

Rich stared at the screaming pink vibrator in his hand.

Huge was not quite the right word for it. Massive, perhaps. Definitely, humungous.
He wondered why the fuck anyone would own, yet alone use something so grossly huge.

What was worse was the fact that it belonged to the dead girl. Miranda, he thought, that was her name. He knew her as []. . .

A Kodak Moment!

Damn this is funny!

Check out this Kodak Moment - 4 minute viral marketing campaign for Kodak's new DIGITAL technology!

Yep, digital.

Thanks to Veer.

The Nietzche Family Circus

The Nietzsche Family Circus pairs random quotes from Nietzsche with cartoons from The Family Circus.

Get ready to ROTFL.

Signs of the Times #2

Warning: This post may be offensive to some

Saw a bumper sticker this morning that says it all.

"Would your driving be any better if I crammed your cell phone up your butt?"

Amen!

I use a headset on my cell when I'm driving but even that's distracting and interfers with my driving. My ex-employer has a rule: No cell phone usage while driving. That's not a bad idea.

I continue to be astonished by the number of folks who drive STANDARD transmission equipped vehicles and talk on thier hand held cell -- all while turning  a corner or better yet backing up!

Duh! 2 hands. 3 things to hold and operate.

Even scarier for me is if the driver is under 20!!

Then it's too many things to operate -- and, no brains!!

Signs of the Times #1

I pulled up behind a Chevy Malibu this morning (aside: When the heck did Chevy's cars shrink so much? Well, except in gas consumption).

Hanging in the back window was one of those little "Baby-On-Board"-like signs. Only this one said:

Ex-Husband
In
Trunk

I cracked up.

Course then I got thinking, "What kind of a reaction would there be if the sign read 'Ex-Wife In Trunk'?"

Me. I'd think it was even funnier.

But, I'm afeared the 'ladies' might not think so.

Keep smilin'

Are You Normal?

By now you probably figured that I'm a sucker for those online quizzes.

You know the ones, like "What Kind of Sex God Are You?"

Answer, "Phlacid" -- the mythical god of Viagra.

Here's one more:

Are you normal?*

Your Normalcy Quotient is:  39 out of 100.

Your quiz results make you a Marvelous Maverick

Giddy-up partner. You're a maverick and don't know what the definition of normal is. That's a-okay because you're now part of a fascinating group of desperadoes. Wherever you ride, it's sure to be off the beaten path because it's way more fun to find the path least traveled.

Take this free personality test by Clicking Here>> or going to www.chatterbean.com/runormal/

* As compared to the population of the US of eh!

Ohhh James!

I was 16.

And, bored on a drizzly Spring Saturday.

Had a few bucks in my pocket from my part-time job. By the way, the job paid the princely sum of $ 1.00 an hour!!

Decided to take in a movie... by myself.

Bused downtown and headed for the Grand Theater (In those days I think every city had a Grand, Palace, or other posh-named cinema).

The trailers on TV had caught my eye... or, maybe it was the bikini.

Walked in, paid my $ 2.00 and ...

watched an aspiring new actor in a movie called...Dr. No.

And, I was hooked.

For more than 30 years!

Maybe it was that white bikini worn by Ursala Andress, in the role of Honeychild Rider.

Then came Gold Finger.

40 some years later I still remember some scenes, the Aston Martin, the lyrics to the title song , and Fleming's flare for character names: Auric Goldfinger, Odd Job, and, of course, Pussy Galore.

IMHO, Connery was James Bond! Period!!

Hated Roger Moore.

Lazenby was okay.

Enjoyed Timothy Dalton. No Connery, but a strong, solid leading man.

Then came Brosnan. And, I couldn't get Remington Steele out of my mind.

Gave up on the franchise.

Now, there's a new Bond.

Do I give a rat's ass?

No!!

Do you?

Gasp! Reality TV Isn't!!

This Variety story suggests:

a) Reality TV ain't completely real,

b) Most viewers know it, and

C) Most don't give a shit!

Hey! I Blog Survivor (have done for 2 years) and I've noticed for the last 4 years that increasingly previews of the show contain stuff the show doesn't and are way over-hyped!

Do I care?

Sometimes!

Mostly, I'm too busy working, writing, and Blogging to care.

What about YOU?

Let me know.

Tom Cruise Come Out of the Closet!

WARNING: Irreverant but witty post.

You may or may not be a fan of South Park.

I'm not. I just gotta admire a couple of Canadian lads who write sardonic comedy... and dress in drag for the Oscars!

What's not to like?

And, you may or may not know of the current flap over the alleged pressure by Tom Cruise that caused and episode skewering Scientology to be pulled.

A Washington post story reports on allegations that Cruise (and other Hollywood types who are Scientologists) may have pressured Comedy Central to drop the episode.

According to the story, Isaac Hayes, who plays the voice of "Chef", was quite okay skewering any other religion (Hayes too is a Scientologist) but quit after this episode was rerun. He didn't quit the firs time it was aired.

In the episode in question, Cruise allegedly hides in "Stan's" closet when Stan (who's channelled the spirit of L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology's founder) severly critiques Cruise's acting. The best part is  recounted in the Post story:

    "For the rest of the episode, "Tom Cruise" and "come out of the closet" are said in the same sentence. Like 39 times."

Was there undue influence by Cruise? Cruise is also starring in Mission Impossible III  which is being launched this Summer by the same company that owns Comedy Central.

Nah! It would never happen!

Anyway, maybe they should add a South Park episode starring Katie Holmes, Cruise's enamorata and mother-to-be of his latest science project. According to the rag mags, Katie has a "potty mouth".

Well, Geez!

What do you expect?

Just think about where her mouth's been.

When You're Trapped... Try Moving!

This very funny commercial from the folks at Becel makes a great point!

If you're stuck... try moving!